Together with dating coach Kimberly Seltzer, EliteSingles considers the intricacies of body language flirting to take the guesswork out of dating.
Online matchmaking has come on in leaps and bounds since its inception, yet the major challenge of online dating remains; how do you flirt online without seeming too forward? Dating guru Kimberly Seltzer spoke to EliteSingles about the best ways to attract others online.
Look for clues in their profile
Offline, flirting tends to come naturally; extended eye contact or a gentle touch is somehow hard-wired into our way of being. But what happens when you’re sitting in front of a computer screen, writing to someone you’ve never met?
Dating expert of EliteImageMakeover, Kimberly Seltzer, says that regardless of whether it’s online or offline, the best flirting happens when you’re genuinely having fun. She also implores that “the same rules apply” when it comes to flirting as they do offline; “be playful, engage, look for clues in the profile, subjects you want to talk about or share stories with.”1
Try it out!
Sometimes a simple smile is all it takes to kick-off conversation. If you’re interested in someone on EliteSingles, try sending them a smile to let them know you’re interested.
Don’t forget to ask them questions!
Shooting someone a smile goes a long way in initiating contact, but to be seen as an attractive option you need to start an interesting conversation. So where do you begin? There are lots of ways to send a great first message – but those that want to create genuine magnetism should tap into the advice of a Harvard University study: people like talking about themselves.2
So resist the urge to impress your date with your personal accomplishments; simply flirt by asking questions. The logic behind this is simple – the reward centres in our brain (which induce feelings of pleasure), are more active when we talk about ourselves, so by asking a potential partner about themselves you’ll activate their reward centres, meaning that they’ll associate this positive feeling with chatting to you. So while it may seem counter-intuitive, stepping away from the spotlight and allowing your date to speak about themselves is one of the most effective ways to flirt online.
Try it out!
Jo Barnett, a dating coach and author ofGet A Date Now! advises, “Keep it short and confident; always be positive and flattering. Pick up something from their profile and comment on that.”
Pay them a compliment
Let’s be honest – we all love a compliment. It’s the most effective way to make someone feel good about themselves and connect this feeling with you. That said, don’t use a compliment as an opening line – it may make your intentions questionable and you don’t want to give off the wrong impression. Instead, introduce a compliment once you’ve already established a connection with someone. Learning how to flirt online is also about making the other person feel comfortable.
Seltzer advises, ’The more you come from a place of authenticity to start a conversation, the better off you are. That can make the other person feel comfortable as well.’ Pay them an actual compliment – what attracted you to this person? What makes them stand out? Tell them and they’ll know it’s from a genuine place.
How to flirt online? Simple, be yourself!
Once you’ve done a bit of smiling and sent that first greeting, you’re well on your way to knowing how to flirt online. Now it’s time to spice things up a bit by showing your fun side and injecting humour and personality into your conversations. But don’t overthink it; it might be tempting to scour the internet for witty one-liners, but staying true to yourself is always the best option. If you wouldn’t say it offline, don’t attempt it online!
Be the one to end the conversation
As Seltzer advises, it’s the messages that seem ‘real’ that have the most impact: ‘’The more you come from a place of authenticity to start a conversation, the better off you are. That can make the other person feel comfortable as well.’’ She also points out that the best online flirting involves a little bit of teasing: ‘’engage in playful [messages] that elicit a teasing and fun interaction…use wit and humour. Keep it short and sweet, but enough so that person wants more.’’
Try it out!
To avoid over-thinking, just go with the flow and have fun with it – it’s the most effective way to get someone interested in the genuine you.
Knowing how to flirt online is not rocket science. When you ask someone questions about themselves and reply to their messages with honesty, openness and a bit of playful humour, you’ll be well on your way to acing your flirting game. And one step closer to finding that special someone.
Ready to start your online dating journey? Join EliteSingles today to meet Australia’s best singles. Simply register here to get started.
1 All Kimberly Seltzer quotes from an exclusive 2013 interview with EliteSingles. Kimberly Seltzer, dating and makeover expert, CEO and owner of EliteImageMakeovers
2 Tamir, D.I., and Mitchell, J.P. (2012). ‘Disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding’. PNAS. Found at wjh.harvard.edu/~dtamir/Tamir-PNAS-2012.pd