Alex Rennie

Dealing with a lost love

Amicable split or messy break-up, getting over someone you love is never an easy thing to tackle. Whether it’s through separation or divorce, there’s always going to be a deep-seated sense of bereavement when facing up to a lost love. To be sure, the last thing you want to do when you’re in need of some heartfelt guidance is to trawl through reams of online advice pages. That’s why we’ve put together a few bite-size pointers on how best to start feeling like you again.

Adjusting to being alone

The first step in dealing with lost love is reacclimatising to being on your own. This is a daunting prospect, no less because being in a relationship involves the intertwining of your life with your partner’s. Consequently, it’s not uncommon to experience a break-up or divorce as a sort of indescribable vacuum that leaves you emotionally numb.

Without neglecting your feelings, this is an opportunity to fill your life up with activity and keep busy. Perhaps you relinquished a hobby or pastime to fit in with your ex-partner’s schedule? If so, take it up again. Of course, this isn’t carte blanche to act impulsively, although it’s certainly a catalyst for discovering something new. 

Taking time to heal from lost love

This stage in coming to terms with lost love definitely chimes with the former point. After you’ve come out of a relationship, it’s so important to give yourself the time and space to patch up the wounds a break-up inflicts. Not only should this be a period of reflection, it’s also a golden opportunity to find things that help you comprehend what’s just happened and ease the heartache.

READ MORE: Getting to the bottom of why people cheat.

As corny as it sounds, simple things such as writing poetry, keeping a diary or even making lists can help you express your innermost feelings. Even writing a letter to your lost love (with no intention of sending it) helps you to reveal some of the emotions you harbour towards them and grasp the situation you’re in. Above all, relaxing the facade of “everything’s OK” and not berating yourself for feeling under-par is alright – this is your time to get up on your feet again!

Reaching out to friends and family

Going through a tough period solo is a slightly perturbing prospect. That’s why turning to your nearest and dearest in times of strife is an invaluable part of coping with the nadirs of a split. Sharing your thoughts with a best mate, sibling or parent can give you additional perspective, especially if you feel as if you’re struggling with trying to comprehend the situation. A problem shared is a problem halved! 

READ MORE: Find out why playing hard to get works.

In some instances relatives and friends aren’t equipped to provide the sort of support you need. If you think you might be depressed or that your lost love is having a noticeable impact on your daily life, don’t hesitate to seek help from a professional. There’s nothing shameful or embarrassing about getting this kind of assistance. On the contrary, it’s only going to contribute to your overall wellbeing and make you stronger in the long run!

Allowing yourself to be happy

It’s completely fine to be down in the doldrums about a lost love. In fact, it would be cause for concern if you didn’t experience a modicum of sadness! Nevertheless, whilst a certain amount of introversion and melancholia is by no means a bad thing, it’s unhealthy to stay stuck in recovery mode for too long - falling into the latter camp can hinder your will to move-on.

READ MORE: The definitive lowdown on older women dating younger men.

As difficult as it may be, try and see this as a constructive process that you need to work through in order to make steps towards happiness. Letting go of emotions such as anger, bitterness, resentment is vital; this will become much easier as soon as you start focusing on yourself instead of ruminating over what went wrong. 

Learning to love again

It’s ever so easy to catastrophize in the immediate aftermath of a break-up. However, believing that you’ll never be able to experience the same depth of love for someone new is only going to inhibit you from moving on. It may be true that you’ll never be able to replicate the bond you shared with a lost love, but you need to start viewing it as something great you enjoyed in your past, not as an experience that is going to be a proverbial millstone round the neck of your future.

Don’t let the feelings of betrayal you perhaps had to overcome corrupt your ability to trust someone again. The very fact that you had a relationship in the first place means, by default, you’re a loveable person. By gradually opening yourself up to new people you’ll quickly see your confidence flourish. Once you feel ready, revisiting the dating game is positive and constructive step to make. Take the experience by the horns and run with it!


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