Together with dating coach Kimberly Seltzer, EliteSingles considers the intricacies of body language flirting to take the guesswork out of dating.
It’s always nice to be pursued, but what if the man you’re keen on is keeping his intentions to himself? EliteSingles spoke to Dating, Relationship and Body Language Expert Katia Loisel to find answers to the question, ‘Should I ask him out?’
Should I ask him out? The body language signs you should look for…
Katia Loisel: When it comes to the language of love, actions speak louder than words. The first step to understanding body language and to know if someone is interested is to look for a cluster of at least three simultaneous signals and avoid analyzing one body part in isolation. Many body gestures can have multiple meanings so if you want to know if he’s interested look for a combination of increased proximity, eye contact and touch (including self-touch and preening).
READ MORE: First date questions to test your chemistry and compatibility.
What tips do you have for women who have been rejected?
Katia Loisel: Let’s be honest, no matter who you are, rejection can hurt. In fact, a study at the University of Michigan found that social rejection stimulates the same neural pathways activated during actual physical pain. The good news is that the extent to which rejection affects you depends on your expectations, emotional investment and experience – the more you build your expectations and fantasize about the kind of person he is (or the relationship you might have) the more it’s likely to hurt.
It’s important to keep in mind that rejection is simply someone choosing what’s right for them. It doesn’t mean that you’re any less attractive, intelligent or desirable, it simply means that you weren’t what they were looking for. The more you practice connecting, (and yes, that means the more you get rejected) the easier it becomes to approach people and to communicate with the opposite sex and the more fun you’ll have.
READ MORE: Dating advice for women: 5 steps to success!
How acceptable is it for women to ask men out these days?
Katia Loisel: While women have traditionally been the ones waiting to be chosen, more and more women are now taking their love lives into their own hands and doing the choosing. Our research into the dating and mating patterns of over 1500 singles found that over 57% of women think that it’s okay for the woman to make the first move. In the same study 95% of men thought that it was okay for a woman to ask them out.* However, while most men would find being asked out refreshing and flattering, asking a man out can change the dynamic of the relationship, particularly early on – you’re no longer the conquest, but he is.
Do you think some men feel emasculated when a woman makes the first move?
Katia Loisel: There are still a minority of men who view the role of courtship as a male domain and think women who ask men out are overly aggressive, dominant or even desperate. However, don’t let that stop you. If you’re an independent, confident woman then he probably wasn’t the right guy for you.
Katia Loisel is a Dating, Relationship and Body Language Expert and co-author of the blockbuster Dating Bible ‘How to get the man you want, How to get the woman you want’.
If you have any questions, please leave a comment below or write to us at [email protected]
*Statistics from: ‘Real People – Real Answers’ Dating Study on flirting, dating, sex and love.