Body Language: Attraction and Its Must Dos and Definite Don’ts

couple flirting with body language

Body language is a fundamental communication tool in dating and attraction. It is an elaborate subconscious signal system that has the power to give unique insight into how your dating is actually unfolding and the significant but silent messages being sent back and forth. In order to take a look under the covers of communication, EliteSingles spoke to dating and image therapist Kimberly Seltzer. A well-known expert and coach in body image, styling, and dating in Los Angeles, Seltzer shares her body language know-how with us in our exclusive article.

The human body – our gestures and our physicality – constantly outwardly communicates, be it in a business or personal environment. Body language can arguably speak louder than verbal communication. Understanding that people are always scanning and interpreting the unspoken messages being transmitted, it is easy to realize the importance of body language, attraction and communication styles when on the dating scene.

Insight into the mechanisms of body language can empower you with the potential to read the unconscious signs of attraction and to send your own secret signals to fire up your date. For your own super powers of communication and connection, we look at both female body language, attraction, and its dialect and investigate reading men’s body language of attraction too.

How to read body language: attraction secrets unlocked

Body language is defined as the conscious and unconscious movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are communicated1. It can be simply understood as communication without words; it’s often unintentional, and multifaceted, leaving it open for interpretation and misinterpretation and thus adding a complex layer to communication2.

Seltzer explains that 93% of communication is nonverbal, so what you say is not as important as how you show up3. You are communicating messages without even opening your mouth, and those messages are also being subconsciously ‘read’ and interpreted in a feedback channel of communication that forms between individuals in dialogue, on a date or even in the same room as each other!

When it comes to the body language of attraction, there are certain signals that one can learn to intercept and decode. Seltzer confirms, “I find there are distinct flirting techniques, messaging and body signals that both sexes display when they are interested in someone”. She goes on to explain that there are some easy signals that broadcast if he/she really likes you. It is important to understand these messages because, Seltzer expands, if these signals are not read or displayed people are left with a question of whether or not their date was interested in them, or they come away feeling there was ‘no chemistry’.

It’s important to notice these signals so that you can have confidence in pursuing things further! To give you this opportunity, we outline below the secret signals men and women use to unconsciously communicate attraction using only their body language.

The body language of attraction: expert dating tips

To use this super power to its full potential, Seltzer outlined her expert dating tips to send, receive and correctly interpret your date’s signs of interest and attraction, and how to send some of your own.

  • Sender: communicate your interest

  1. Sit in close proximity so you can connect with your date’s body. Touch, smell and other senses really can create chemistry and stimulate attraction when you are close to them.
  2. Dress the part. Put intention behind planning your date attire so you look and, more importantly, feel sexy, confident and attractive.
  3. Use your eyes and smile. Eye contact and smiling are POWERFUL because it shows you’re interested, engaged and connected.
  • Receiver: reading your date’s signals

  1. Get out of your own head and really pay attention to how your date communicates with their body. Most people are more concerned about how they come across rather than who they are with, in which case you lose the opportunity to cultivate that attraction.
  2. Make eye contact with your date. Really look at them and connect with your eyes to see if they are giving you signals or if their pupils are dilated!
  3. Sometimes the silent messages are the loudest. Look at your date’s hands and mouth, the angle they are sitting and movements they are making. The answer will be there.

Using insight into body language, attraction and the behavioral patterns of communication you can facilitate open and honest dialogue without saying a word, empower yourself to express your feelings and identify, without waiting or wondering, the real state of affairs with his and her attraction.

Kimberly Seltzer, the owner of, is a Makeover Expert, Therapist and Dating Coach based in Los Angeles. She utilizes the unique combined approach of therapy, in-field date coaching, and styling to help people with their confidence and dating life.


[1] Body language definition. (2017). Google. Found at:
[2] Furnham, A. (PhD). (2015). What is Body Language? Found at:
[3] K. Seltzer. (June 2017). EliteSingles Interview.

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