Look, let’s not waste time bandying around idle pleasantries: you’re here because you want to set up the best dating profile the world has ever seen. But without a guiding hand, whipping up a pulse-quickening, mouth-watering lip-biter of a profile is no easy feat. You need our help. You need us to guide you the good, the bad, and the straight-up weird dating profile examples. Why? Because there’s a fine line between a scowling black and white head shot that suggests ‘brooding love deity’ and one that screams ‘self-publishes vampire erotica’.
And thus, feast your eyes: below we present a wonderful range of examples of dating profiles for females and males alike, from us to you. Let’s start with the terrible ones because they’re always entertaining.
Dating Profile Examples: The Good, The Bad and The Face-Slappingly Awful
The Spartan One
A single, grainy photo that was taken at a barbecue seventeen years ago, with the subject smiling beside a panting golden retriever that is now long dead. A location that is so vague it seems oddly aggressive; something like ‘THE NORTH’. Interests: CRICKET. JOHNNY CASH. SUNDAY LUNCH. Hobbies: DOG. Matches: Zero.
The One with a Hat
Just… look: if you don’t usually wear a fedora/trilby/beret, please, we beg you, do not sport a meticulously tilted fedora/trilby/beret in your profile picture. They’re just a bit… a bit Myspace, you know? A bit ‘if Holden Caulfield got Tinder’.
This angry dating-profile-haver seems to be so confident in their chances of finding an excelsior mate that they begin batting hopefuls away before they’ve even got around to listing their interests.
‘My name’s Ian and I’m 38 from Derby and just for the record I HATE children so if you have kids, KEEP WALKING. Also, I can’t eat green vegetables due to my operation so NO VEGANS. Everybody else, message me, let’s chat 🙂 x’
This kind of online dater is determined to show off the immense power of their grey matter, and they opt to do it with a succession of black and white photographs of them sitting in a candlelit cafe, vehemently studying a copy of ‘Finnegan’s Wake’ with the price sticker still on.
The Generic One
Okay, agreed, pizza is lovely, and the Beatles did have a great harmony, and yes, warm weather is nice – these are all objectively true. However, they are also objectively boring. Everybody likes dogs. Everybody enjoys films. Liking food is a physical prerequisite to being alive; it is not a personality trait, any more than ‘having skin’ is.
The Shameless One
We are all human; we all get horny. This is fine, this is normal. What is not fine is using your dating profile to inform the world of how horny you are. If you are truly so desperately lust-ridden that you can’t physically bear to write a dating bio without describing in detail the current state of your libido, perhaps you would feel more at home registering for one of the many adult dating sites that hang out in the gloomier corners of the internet, where you and other like-minded deviants can roam free.
The One Without Anything At All For Some Reason
It is unclear whether this person meant to create a profile on a dating site or thought they were signing up for a newsletter. There is no profile picture, there is no bio, there are no interests. Were they struck down by a mysterious illness while in the midst of creating their profile? Did a natural disaster render their town powerless at the exact moment of submitting any personal information? We will never know. If your dating profile reads like the final log entry of a lost spaceship, you may want to reconsider.
‘Linda, 46, Milton Keynes’ [End of Transmission]
What happened Linda?
The Quirky One
Everybody wants to come across quirky. Quirky works. Everybody wants to appear in their dating profile like the delightfully off-kilter protagonists in 500 Days of Summer, eating an ice cream in dungarees and a pair of John Lennon sunglasses with a charming dollop of vanilla on their nose. However, over-quirk and you can come across annoying; it’s a hard balance to strike, and this kind of profile is the most difficult to pull off of all our dating profile examples. If you’re seeking the perfect off-beat profile, simply add the following items to your pics to rank higher on the quirk-o-meter:
A book (+5 quirks)
A funny expression (+7 quirks)
Coloured socks (+9 quirks)
A dog (+ 3 quirks)
A cat (+6 quirks)
A lizard and/or other atypical household pet (+10 quirks)
A fancy dress costume (+15 quirks)
Your likeness painstakingly photoshopped into other situations (+20 quirks)
NOTE: Under no circumstances should you attempt to use all of these at once.
Okay, we made it through the chaff with minimal mental scarring. Now, we present the very best dating profile example we have to offer, just for you:
Four or five well-lit photos including a full body shot and one of you doing something vaguely active like hiking or swimming – check. A bio that lists a varied range of interests while completely avoiding both political slogans and swear words – check. A light touch of humour seasoned with a subtle-yet-reassuring sense of self-awareness – check.
If your profile looks generally like this, you’re doing okay. Of course, it’s easy to over-analyse and obsess endlessly over the best possible angle for your photographs or the perfect wording in your description – and these are important, certainly – but try not to worry too much. Nobody will examine your profile with as much scrutiny as you will.
At the end of the day, we can present you with endless dating profile examples, however, as with so many aspects of love, it needn’t be so complicated. Invest time and effort in your profile, present yourself as best you can, show confidence, show humour, and you’ll wrangle yourself a date in no time.
The Topless One
Log off and think about what you’ve done.