What if your relationship is compromised by a successful career?
International Women’s Day 2017 was a celebration of female strength and a rallying cry for women’s contributions to the world to be better recognized. It came in a year when powerful women have been more vocal than ever, with events such as the Women’s March on Washington being echoed around the globe by women wanting to stand up and be counted.
Yet, every one of these protests has been met with a certain amount of dismissal and dismay, both by media commentators and those on social media. And this is nothing new – powerful women all too often find themselves up against it in a male-dominated society (and the dating world is no different).
With this in mind, we asked EliteSingles’ resident psychologist Salama Marine for her thoughts on how far we’ve really come, why some men are still put off by powerful women, and for her advice on dealing with the ignorance and finding love against the odds.
So, politics aside, why do you think some men are still intimidated by powerful women?
“Men are kind of scared of them! On first impression, successful women are really attractive, and men like the idea of ‘conquering’ them. But when it’s time to think about a long term relationship, everything changes. While women tend to crave a relationship with passion at its core; men become more demanding in the relationship in a different way – they tend to want a smooth life free of drama.”
Generally, are things better for powerful women than 20 years ago?
“We tend to think that with each new generation dating a powerful woman is becoming more normal, almost as much as a woman dating a powerful man. But many men still ask themselves ‘Can a powerful and independent woman fit with my vision of what a couple should be like? Shouldn’t I be the main provider?’ It’s still not 100% accepted socially – even amongst friends and family – simply because some stereotypes unfortunately still prevail. I think we are starting to see some changes in the last decade though, and the number of men put off by powerful women is ever-dwindling.”
Are there some characteristics that are seen as impressive in men and intimidating or negative in women?
“Yes sure, there’s many actually. For example, when a man tries to impose his authority and make his voice heard at work or with friends, respect is almost always given. People will even call him ‘the boss’. But when this exact same attitude comes from a woman, things change. People will tend to use the word ‘bossy’, which is the pejorative. Why should women be ashamed about knowing what they want and asking for it?”
What would you recommend successful women do to find the right partner?
“If you’re a successful woman, it probably means you’ve spent your entire life setting up goals and succeeding in reaching them. You’ve overcome stereotypes and doubters, and evolved in a climate in which it’s still not so easy for a woman to be accomplished. There’s nothing wrong with being ambitious with your love life as well, but love is fundamentally different to a career. You can – and should – clearly set out what you want from a relationship, but don’t forget that love is even more beautiful when it catches you off guard. So be even more open to possibilities and opportunities than in other areas of your life, and try to keep some space in your schedule for meeting someone new.”
About Salama Marine:
Salama Marine trained at the Paris College of Psychological Practitioners, and is now a registered Psychologist helping people with their interpersonal relationships in the realm of love, sex and marriage. She has worked extensively within the online dating industry, and provides consultation to those wishing to connect with like-minded partners online.