Want to know how to overcome dating shyness? Read on!
Many people find the prospect of asking someone out daunting. But it needn’t be! Actually, asking someone out can be extremely natural and comfortable. And could of course be the start of something special. We’ve taken a look at the five most common scenarios of asking someone out and outlined our best tips to help ease the process. We sought advice from our in-house psychologist and relationship expert Salama Marine to compile the tips and increase your dating success.
How to ask someone out: online, offline, guys, girls, friends – we have it covered!
How to ask someone out offline
We asked EliteSingles’ resident psychologist and relationship expert Salama Marine what the best way to ask someone out who you’ve met on a night out or through friends is. Her advice was:
‘So you met someone great in a bar or restaurant and you’ve managed to exchange numbers and now you’re wondering what’s the best way to ask them out? Firstly, if they’ve given you their number, it’s a pretty good sign. After making sure that this person is definitely single, you should just go for it! When you think about it, what do you have to lose? Literally, nothing. Indeed, it really is that simple. Why don’t you suggest a slightly more original date idea? Like going to a new exhibition or choosing a cafe or restaurant that’s a bit different.
Try to find an activity sparks their curiosity. This will subsequently make the date even more appealing. If you don’t get a response, don’t over think it. They’re clearly not the right person for you so you can move on and find the person who is.’
Of course it’s always easier said than done, but confidence really is key to asking someone out. If you feel uncomfortable, they’ll feel uncomfortable and you’re not very likely to get a date. Instead, remind yourself you don’t actually have anything to lose and could gain so much! So next someone catches your eye, take a deep breath, go over to them and ask if they’d like to go on a date. You’ll be surprised how easily you can do it.
How to ask a girl out
Don’t over think it
The question on every straight man’s lips since the beginning of time – from the school playground to later life: how to ask a girl out. Men often perceive women as mysterious creatures who are difficult to approach and read. This is actually rarely the case. Asking someone out on a date need not be nerve racking. It’s easy to forget that most people are actually seeking someone special and are ready to be swept off their feet at any moment. Bearing this in mind, not over thinking it is key when arranging a date. Keep it simple, for example ‘do you fancy going to this gallery opening on Sunday evening – it starts at 7?’ Women appreciate a plan and you’re more likely to get a direct answer. Vagueness will get you nowhere.
Having said this, it’s also important to be flexible. These days, people have busy schedules so it may take some planning to arrange the date. Don’t be instantly disheartened if your initial idea doesn’t work out. Simply make a plan that suits you both. It doesn’t need to be anything particularly fancy (in fact 90% of Americans polled in a recent EliteSingles survey are happy to go for a casual drink on a first date). If you think that really won’t cut it, focus on your shared interests and the things that make you both uniquely ‘special’ as a potential couple. Don’t risk your chemistry by going too far out of your own comfort zone!
- More questions about online dating? Follow our ultimate online dating guide
- Preparing for that all important first date? Here are some of our tips
How to ask a guy out
Just do it
While it may be intimidating to approach a guy and ask him out, actually it can be extremely satisfying having full control of the situation and what’s more: men love it! There are various methods that you could try, depending on how brave you’re feeling.
Bold: Firstly, you could be very bold and buy him a drink. This will certainly capture his attention and will instantly spark his interest in you.
Less bold: A more subtle approach is going up to a guy and sparking a conversation and then asking him what he did over the weekend. After a while of chatting you could suggest the two of you do a similar activity together the following weekend.
Subtle: If you don’t quite have the confidence to ask a guy out directly, an easier option is to ask him on a group date. Gather some of your friends and choose a nice activity, that way you’ll feel at ease and subsequently he will too.
How to ask someone out online
Don’t wait too long
Psychologist Salama Marine advises; ‘After a while of getting to know each other online, it’s time to arrange to meet offline. But what is the next step?First of all, it’s important that you don’t wait too long to meet in person – nothing beats a face-to-face conversation. It’s a good idea to find out as soon as possible whether you have a connection with someone and whether you’re interested in them.
When messaging online, it’s easy to get used to the daily contact and as a result the conversation can go on for a long time before realizing you haven’t actually met in person yet. People often develop feelings for someone online without having actually seen them in real life. That’s why as soon as you feel a connection with someone online or have a good feeling towards them, you should simply ask for a coffee or dinner date to establish if there’s something between you. ‘
Don’t be afraid to ask someone to meet! Remember, if you’re both on a dating site like EliteSingles you’re both there for the same reason – to find a long-term partner. Ask them out!’
How to ask a friend out
You only regret the things you don’t do
How to ask a friend out is a question almost everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. The line can easily become blurred with close friendships and there is a natural curiosity to see if you could be something more. The problem is that the whole situation is delicate and needs to be handled carefully so as not to ruin your friendship.
Before asking a friend out it might be worth finding out what place they’re in (are they even ready for a relationship?) and assessing their body language towards you – you can often tell if someone initiates a lot of physical contact towards you, that there might be room for something more.
After assessing these things (and obviously ensuring they’re not seeing anyone else), arrange a time when just the two of you can be alone together and broach the subject then. When the moment feels right, just ask. Be completely honest with your feelings – if nothing more, they’ll have a lot of respect for you for doing it.
Finally, you really have to respect their decision. One of the risks of asking out a friend is they have a good reason to say no. IF your friendship works well as it is and they’re afraid of losing that when more feelings come in to play, they may not want to risk it at all. Alternatively, they may also simply not feel the same way. Either way, you only regret the things you don’t do and you’d always wonder ‘what if…’ if you don’t bite the bullet and just ask. You never know, you might get everything you want…