The online dating first message dos and don'ts
There’s no doubt that when it comes to online dating the first message is very important.
But, how can you make the most of it? To help make it easier, EliteSingles explored the dos and don’ts of the first approach, discovering everything you need to write the perfect online dating first message.Hey, we're the experts after all.
READ MORE: The ten first date questions that will test your chemistry and connection!
The four first message dos and don’ts
That first interaction is vital. Therefore, you want to break the ice in the right way. If you want to truly make an impression, you need to send an original first message. Here’s how to get it right.
1. DON’T copy paste your messages
Fans of copy and pasting, listen up.
The harsh truth is that your message recipients can tell what is a genuine attempt to say hello and what is a copy-paste template sent out ad nauseam. To make the best impression when online dating, first messages need to be original: it’s about making the recipient feel special. Just think of the type of message you'd like to receive online, you'd feel pretty shortchanged if you figured out they had copy-pasted, right? So be original, think positive and no 'spraying and praying' your online dating first message to everyone.
TRY THIS: An easy way to show you’ve read their profile is to point out what it is you liked in the text. Share a passion for food or a love of literature? Let them know what you have in common and ask a few pertinent questions.
EXAMPLE: "Hey Julie, saw on your profile that you enjoyed Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer. I love those dystopian sci-novels too, any others you'd recommend?"
2. DO run a spell check before you hit send
Msgs wit por spelin r relly hard 2 reed. Confused? The same goes for whoever read your hastily written message.
This is why a hard-to-read, misspelled message can only be bad news. The truth is, legibility goes a long way – a quick and easy read lets your intended spend less time deciphering your message and more time daydreaming about your first date!
TRY THIS: The quickest way to make your message easier to read is to avoid drastically shortening words – write ‘are’ instead of ‘r’ for instance. A quick spell check doesn’t hurt either – not using a lot can get you a lot more attention!
EXAMPLE: "Hey Julie, great profile. I love hill walking as well. Do you ever get the chance to head to the Blue Mountains?"
3. DON’T be too forward in your messages
While a bit of profile flirting can be harmless, there is an art to striking a balance between flattery and over-familiarity. A basic rule to follow is to avoid overtly physical compliments in your online dating first message as this can send the wrong signal – in fact, our members voted sexual innuendo as one of their biggest online dating no-nos!2
TRY THIS: To avoid being taken the wrong way, you are better chatting about your interests, background, or careers. Regardless of if you truly mean your compliments but, until you know each other better, it is safer to keep such flattery to yourself.
EXAMPLE: "Hey Julie, you're profile was a welcome surprise on a very grey day in Darwin. I saw you used to be a florist, I'm fascinated by the flora and fauna around the neighbouring woods in my area. Do you consider yourself a hobby florist now you're retired?"