Alone at Christmas?
Why do we feel down about being single in the festive season?
So, the tree is decorated, the summer holiday booked, the pavlova prepared and the presents bought (or at least thought about!) The festive season is well underway, so there should be no reason for feeling glum. Should there? Actually, the sight of all those smiling couples shopping, heading to Carols by Candlelight and generally seeming to rub their happiness in your face can put you on a bit of a downer. As can the thought of having to field question from friends and family on why you haven’t settled down, or found ‘the one’ yet.
It makes sense, of course, that none of us want to be the only one without someone to kiss on New Year’s Eve, but Elite Singles' partner psychologist Sam Owen advises against feeling despondent. 'You need optimism when you’re looking for a long-term relationship because it sends messages to your subconscious that you will win in your endeavour, and then the mind goes to work on making that a reality!' This is especially important with online dating around Christmas time because there's always a significant hike in new members between Boxing Day and the New Year - an excellent time to find a partner if you're in the right mindset.
Turning your holiday blues into Aussie festive fun
Realising that you are hardly alone in this predicament is one of the first steps to overcoming negative feelings about your single situation. It’s important to remember that actually the majority of households in Australia are not the traditional ‘nuclear family’ that society can pressure us to aspire to. Adjust your expectations and de-mythologise both Christmas and relationships. Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, says “there are so many categories of expectations of the festive season being just right that it brings up all sort of issues. There’s this idea that it’s supposed to be perfect, and if it’s not, the person asks, ‘What’s wrong with me?’”1
As there are many others out there who feel especially strongly around Christmas that they would like to meet someone, it can be an excellent opportunity to find love. There are all sorts of events being held at this time of year; office parties, holiday barbeques and get-togethers, New Year’s Eve celebrations. Don’t stay at home, make the most of the silly season and get out there and mingle! Those events can be utilized as your own holiday dating service, alongside your online activities.
Laying the track for next year
Although signing up to a dating agency can help you go that extra mile toward finding ‘the one’, don’t expect results by New Year’s Eve! Our in-depth survey reveals that on average it takes members about 82 days to find a compatible partner.2 After roughly 60 days users will be matched with the ideal partner, then 22 days later the first meeting will take place. In those three weeks, an average of six calls are made, and 44 messages exchanged. Bearing that in mind, starting your journey now gives you a much better chance of being able to spend next Christmas with a very special someone. And in the meantime, be easy on yourself – one day you will look back to see that this time spent alone served some purpose. Sam Owen urges, 'Have the mantra that everything happens for the best to remind yourself that this reality serves a purpose in your personal development as a constantly evolving human being.'
Finding love with EliteSingles
Our international editorial department receives a lot of inspiring stories from our users and this particular one from Lily Cuthbertson warmed our hearts. Lily – fed up of lonely Christmases – took matters into her own hands last year. “I had been single for nearly six years” said Lily, “my demanding job as a barrister means that I barely have the time to eat when I get home, let alone go out to a bar or an event. It’s difficult to meet new people when you’re constantly at work or just plain tired, and I really wanted to be able to relax with someone on my few days off around Christmas.” Lily joined in November, hoping to find love straight away. But it wasn’t until February that she met Ronald, who has been by her side ever since. “I must admit I was a bit optimistic when I joined”, says Lily, smiling. “I was sort of hoping that I would be able to meet someone straight away. But Ronald has been worth the wait and we’re really enjoying organizing our first Christmas together this year.”3